OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
