I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
