I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
