Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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