Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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