Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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