problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
