i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
