I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
