Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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