i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
