So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
