i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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