you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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