i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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