do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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