i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
