A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
