obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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