so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
