the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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