Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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