so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think I just sharted jello shots
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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