Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
