we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
