Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
