Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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