I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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