Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
