he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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