ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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