fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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