I am puke
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
