first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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