I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
