apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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