Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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