I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
