what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
