What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it's like iHOP with fire
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
