I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
