DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize