remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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