This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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