You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
