cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
