Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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