im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize