Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
