now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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