Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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