new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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