I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize