Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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