i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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