I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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