im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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