She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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