Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
