having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
