I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
