i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
