so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
