I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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