i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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