I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Define "chronic" masturbator.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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