Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
