paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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