sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
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