my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
