I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
