dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
