You're earring is so big in my mouth
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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