Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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