I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
