dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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