there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
