Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
