I'm pants shitting drunk right now
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why is there bacon in the couch?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
