she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
