Plan B is the new Plan A
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
