That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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